I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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