Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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