Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
