I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The best revenge is premature balding
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
