I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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