I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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