my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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