Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
