piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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