I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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