he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
