They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
