That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
