I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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