I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
