i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she smelled like a LAN party
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
