I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
