but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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