do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I lost the right to judge tonight
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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