I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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