Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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