and you said cock pushups were impossible
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
