You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
