why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
