I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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