How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just had sex on a roof
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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