Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize