worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
