Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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