i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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