i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.