woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
