and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
no, he came in my armpit
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
