Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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