I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
