I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm like, not good at living.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
