would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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