Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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