If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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