guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
