Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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