I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
