she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
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He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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