I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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