And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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