im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
