I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
