you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
