yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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