When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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