Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
