I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
