Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize