I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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