Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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