Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
