umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
