just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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