just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize