I'm really into asian looking animals
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
