That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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