Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
