i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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