If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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