I wish my penis had an off switch
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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