mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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