broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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