Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
