tonight lets celebrate not being married
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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