I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
