We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
