is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
