just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
